Rick Perry will be #45

There, I formally announced it. Rick Perry of Texas will be the next President of the US. Numero 45.

I do not say this because he has never lost an election.

I do not say this because he has managed to make people forget that he is an opportunist who once campaigned for Al Gore in his bid to the White House.

I do not say this because he is now, officially, leading the polls in the Republican primaries.

All that was expected, and predicting it beforehand would have been rather easy. Like extracting an impossible concession from Obama.

And the lamestream media does not have a clue. They are busy trying to establish how bad he was, executing juveniles and the mentally handicapped, how his Texas miracle was really a farce, and he is leaving the state in a $27 billion dollar deficit, and how he was 'liberal' in his leanings, how he actually sides with illegal immigration, how he is despised by the GOP establishment, Karl Rove, and others of the Illuminati, how the Tea baggers would see through his facade and his faux conservative credentials, and prefer Minnesota Palin, etc.

None of that is going to matter.


Here's the deal: The Newt is delusional. The nineties are calling, and they want his second affair back, and his third wife either in a wax museum or in a starring role in Stepford Wives Part Dos. He is out of touch with the reality of the millennium. Herman Cain is too busy trying to get a plan to form a plan to solve some problems. And he is black. Did I mention that he is black? Pretty sure I did. Santorum was never running for POTUS, he just wants a VP slot, which he'd get under Perry, and a cleansing of his Google persona, which he will not get. Minnesota Palin is wacky, wackier than Perry, has an egomaniac in Ed Rollins for her campaign manager, no laurels to bank on from her Congressional career, a gay-in-denial spouse, a dwindling campaign balance, and above all, she is a biblical woman. She is also a woman. Winning the straw poll in Iowa where she paid for 5,000 votes, and only got 96% of those idiots to vote for her is not a good sign. Did I mention she has a vagina?

OK, now to the heavyweights. Mitt and Jon. Well, they are Mormons, which should disqualify them immediately for Christian America. Then there is a small problem of MittneyCare which is ObamaCare Jr., and Jon's tenure as Obama's bitch ambassador to China. But their worst crime is going against the party's anti-science pledge. Mitt admitted that global warming is real, and Jon topped him by saying "and so is evolution". The back-pedaling has not helped Mitt one bit, since, like I said, he is also a Mormon.

So it is a done deal that Perry will win the Republican nomination. In two short weeks, he has entrenched himself as the solid front-runner. Also, B of A is going to help him out.

Then comes the real battle when he has to go against Obama in the general election. I'm kidding of course. This is not 2008 where the crisis hurt the white guy (as did the sub-prime disaster), it is now time for the shoe to be on the other foot, aka the black guy. Obama being black, Boehner's bitch cave in dude, and an all around fuck up who can only help Perry's cause is the open secret that'll have Perry in the White House. Rove and others in The Republican Illuminati will fall in line, and after prolonged fellatio, declare Perry to be "The Real Thing."  The sheeple will follow. As will "the independents" since, "Well, how badly can Perry fuck up? He's got to be better than Obama"

(He doesn't 'got to', but who cares, really.)

There is nothing Obama can do now to grow a set of testes, after he has been handing them piecemeal to the Republicans for the last 3+ years. He is more for bipartisanship than solving something. He wants people who absolutely despise him to get along with him. There is a better chance that the Klan will accept him as a Slave+ than the current Republicans will accept him as a human.

His jobs speech is a disaster, and he has not even made it yet. That's how much he sucks.

Employment will stay above 8.1% through November 2012, and while people will like him, they'll legitimately find him incompetent, and in a temporary fit of willful ignorance get Bush the Younger's replacement Perry enshrined on the throne.

In fact, I expect Obama to cast his vote for Rick Perry. In the name of bipartisanship.

God help us, and that should be ominous since I am an atheist.