Yup, being black, born in Hawaii, having two birth certificates, and usurping the Presidency just does not go as far as it used to. None of that "cachet value" can be found in such accomplishments, nor do you become American by doing all that. What you really need are surrogates. No, not that kind that stupidly carry a baby bump, but one that looks like this one:
Romney was either retroactively neutered or wore magic underwear, because he did not have sex with anyone to produce that lump of flesh.
He also singlehandedly saved the US postal service by buying rare stamps in New York, using a limousine to travel from DC to the auction, and then flying back on a chartered jet, sending the limo empty.
That's how he rolled, bitches!
Yes, that guy is asking Obama to learn to be an American.
In other news, the ex-fat bastard claims that the Kenyan muslin hates America.