Oct 12, 2015

Freakin' Fudgesicles

Do you ever wake up in a cold sweat?

No, I don't mean when someone pours a bucket of chilled sweat on you, but like in the middle of the night, after you have feasted on artificial kale flavored popcorn and washed it down with single batch bourbon.

Ever happened to you?

What if I told you that it can happen to you? Would you then take the penicillin shotadequate precautions and send me $19.95?

[I see that no one appears to be adequately concerned, so time to up the ante and get real]

OK this is serious stuff, and I'm telling you that it can happen to you. You're lying in your bed, sinning minding your own business, when suddenly you get woken up by a noise. At the heel of your bed you see a shadowy figure. Wearing nothing but your leather jacket and eating a fudgesicle.

Tell me that you are not in a cold sweat right now.

I know you're thinking that this shit could only happen to Nicholas Cage, but better safe than Bristol.

Here's a tip: Use. Verbal. Judo.

Oh, that's it. You can go back to sleep now.

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