Sep 12, 2014

The Art of Thinking out Loud(er): The Loudening

Like a bad penny, <— note clever pun here Penny, I'm back! Admittedly, this may not be as highly awaited a sequel as Sharknado 2, but that's only because I didn't bring any tornadoes with me. Or sharks. Since this is an election year, the right way to settle whether or not mine is a welcome return is through a totally scientific poll.

Are you furrit?
First let me get a root canal
online poll creator

While the new editrix under new management deploying a new website was busy conspiring with the NSA and the DMV to prevent the voices inside my head from saying things, I was thinking...heck, I no longer remember what, but I assure you, it was important!

Thanks, Obama!

Ishtar failed but did Brenda Starr heed? Noo-oo. Listen up people, movies that end in "ar" or "arr" can never succeed. Never. No, don't be saying Avatar, since exceptions do not count, no matter how many of them you can dig up. Besides, that was just a box-office hit. It never received critical acclaim like Booty Call. Now, that was a masterpiece! Which reminds me, when is Booty Call 2 coming out?

Also, has anyone seen Batman?  No, not the movie. The bastard owes me a styptic pencil, and my last field pregnancy test read "It's complicated."

(For the slow ones who will be the only ones needing this explanation, WARNING, SPOILER ALERT AHEAD: field pregnancy test is meant to be a humorous variation on home pregnancy test. Please register your disagreement in the comments below so that I may learn something. Like your identity.)

Twitter is for narcissists. I found this out when people would only retweet or favorite some of my tweets. Obviously, I am not a narcissist. Ich bin Spartacus. Because I am a Berliner makes me a jelly doughnut. Figuratively. No wait, literally.

Can a 3D printer print another 3D printer? If so, I'm patenting that unoriginal idea, and 3D printing my way to fame and fortune. OK, just fortune, since I'm neither greedy nor inconsiderate. I can always buy the fame later, and then sell it on eBay to make an even greater fortune. Then I can buy more fam...wait a minute, looks like I'll be filing two patents!

Incidentally, research shows that fifty is not the new thirty; heck, it is not even the old fifty. I should know from experience. It's more like the old Fifty-one. Fifty-three tops! Of course I try to keep up with all the latest trends. Like sending selfies to random people. Turns out they take selfie way too literally. No wonder The Wife was not too thrilled, and I thought it was because I forgot to pick her up after she dropped her car off at the mechanic's.

Since there are no witches, what are witch-hunts ever going to yield? No, I don't care, but Baby Dracula does, and I care about him. Kids ask the darndest things, don't they? On that upbeat note,


Whew!  Feels good to get that off my chest. Also, I now accept PayPal. No pun intended, of course.

Scott Baio and I are settling scores. Just as soon as he knows that I exist, and I find out the precise nature of the long-running feud between us. But first things first, I need to initiate that feud.

Hey Beiber, you'll just have to wait your turn. Voldemort found out the hard way.

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