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Oct 10, 2012

Conservative Values, Part 187122

Remember Tennessee? Yes, it is still a state among us—a red state, a bastion of family values. Also a place from where a couple of the friend-people hail.

I have been there a couple of times in the 80s, clean air, friendly people, looks deserted compared to Southern California and then I am reminded of the ugliness. That's right, Al Gore hails from there, and he lost the 2000 Presidential Elections when he could not carry his home state. But then he is one of the Democrats, they know how to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory.

Anyhoo, the state is redder than the coloring agent you might find in your food when you order the red sauce in some specialty restaurants.  Republican, republican, republican. One of the current senators is Lamar Alexander, another was the guy from the movie Die Hard Deux and the Law and Order series.

Oh, and Scott DesJarlais.

Scott who? Scott DesJarlais, henceforth known as Dr. Red Dildo, is a congressman from the 4th district of Tennessee. He is a physician, and a tea bagger. Odd combination, but I suspect he is a tea bagger first, American second, and- oh who cares after that!


Still ring no bells?
Here, let a hometown fishwrapper jog your memory:
During DesJarlais’ 2010 campaign for the House seat against Democrat Lincoln Davis, details about his 2001 divorce to Susan DesJarlais alleged that he held a gun to his mouth for hours and also pulled the trigger on an empty chamber while standing outside his wife’s bedroom.
Oh that Dr. Red Dildo! No worries, I am sure he was well-trained in the proper use of firearms, and pretty sure all that stuff was just made up by the liberal media taking things out of context. We all know that The NRA would never endorse someone if he was reckless like that. More than that, the good people of Tennessee would never elect a shady politician like they elected him in the 2010 wave of taking our country back.

OK, you say, you get all that, so why is he in the news? Why is a good ole Tea bagger, educated as a medical doctor, representing his district dutifully, minding his own business, in the news? Wait, did he create jobs? I mean he likes guns, apple pie, hates Obama, Holder, Democrats, debt, socialism, abortion, lack of personal responsibility, wasteful spen...

Hold on, he hates abortion?

As Fred Thompson would say: YES.

Yes, he is a pro-life dude. Sanctity of life. Life begins no later than conception. Roe v Wade is genocide. Democrats are baby-killers. The whole nine... months.

So what, many red dildos are pro-forced-pregnancy. It is in the Bible.

Yes, but how many of them have a relationship (by that I mean a sexing session or seven) with a patient, impregnate her, and then pressure her to get an abortion?

Dr. Red Dildo did that?

Allegedly. The hometown fishwrapper newspaper is planning one them exposé thingies [update: see here] on the heels of the PuffHo's very own rehashed exposé. Exposé after exposé, and I am tiring of that word already, even as I like hearing how it rolls off the tongue.

So what now?

Nothing.

"It's a liberal media conspiracy"
"Hello, CLINTON got a blow job!"
"Gutter politics"
"Error of judgment, that's all"
"I'm human, who among us has not sinned?"
"Both sides do it"
"Phony war on women"
"Give the man his day in court"
"Obama lost the debate, so this is just a distraction. What does this have to do with creating jobs?"
"Desperate personal attacks do not solve our nation's problems, yet it appears my opponents are choosing to once again engage in the same gutter politics that CBS news called the dirtiest in the nation just 2 years ago."

OK, we'll go with the last one for now. That's about it. Dr. Red Dildo will be re-elected and conservative values shall be upheld once again.  Praise Jesus!

Or maybe this will turn out to be one of the doctors Todd Akin was thinking of when he said that there are doctors who perform abortions on women who are not even pregnant.

Who knew they'd be hiding in his own party!

3 comments:

rappoccio said...

Apparently he can't get enough of those home-town aborti--- I mean apple pies!

Neil Kelsey said...

The gun concealed in his mouth was probably unlicensed, maybe the Democrats can take him down with that.

Dan Avery said...

I wish we had one of these crazy fuckers running for Congress here. Sigh.