Aug 25, 2011


Alaska Palin invented a new word last year: refudiate. So lame was the lamestream media that they fixated on it long enough that some of her most subservient, obsequious devotees got motivated enough to successfully lobby its inclusion into the New Oxford American Dictionary. Who knows? They may even have understood—no pun intended—what the word supposedly means.
[Note to self: Never buy the New Oxford American Dictionary]
Speaking of subservientMinnesota Palin did Alaska Palin one better. (Stop salivating, you perverts--she didn't do her that way.)
When ambushed with a gotcha question by the same lamestream media, she responded that submissive does not mean subservient. Way to go out on a limb there, having the guts to say what a word does not mean! It is courageous insight like this that scares those "libruls."
I am thinking that there ought to be a compendium of such words, and if I seize the day, today, perhaps I can profit from it. I am struggling—no pun intended—to find a word in the dictionarycommensurate with the concept, but then I struggle to find synonyms for the word thesaurus, so this is hardly news. Apparently, the proper recourse under such circumstances is to simply invent a new word. I also have it on good authority that Billy Shakespeare did this frequently during his numerous writer's blocks.
Well, Shakespeare I am not.
[Waits for the audience to overcome their disbelief]
But I do have the necessary chutzpah to invent a new word:
Notictionary. noun \naw-tik-shə-ˌner-ē, -ˌne-rē\
  1. : a compendium of words that do not mean other words.
  2. : not a dictionary.
In all fairness though, Minnesota Palin did provide a definition for submissive. In her house, it apparently means respect. Obviously, it is not a candidate for my notictionary, since it is stating what a word means, and not what it does not mean. Since it is also not a synonym for submissive in the slightest—according to, ahem, a dictionary—it is a perfect candidate for this year's entry into The New Oxford American Dictionary.
Who knows? With some skillful editing it can even follow the entry for refudiate. Because, if you do not care what a word means, surely you can waive the requirement that the dictionary has to follow any lexicographical ordering. After all, the Dewey Decimal System was created for wimps.
Perhaps the question was posed to the wrong person. It should have been directed to Mr. Minnesota Palin instead, who among other things, operates a clinic to "cure" homosexuals of their homosexuality.
"Mr. Minnesota Palin, are you submissive to your patients during their treatment sessions at your clinic?" would be an intriguing question, but only if our lamestream media were not busy sucking on the exhaust fumes from Alaska Palin's bus.
In case you were wondering what submissive really means, a cursory glance at a thesaurus would be—no pun intended—enlightening. Note that none of the synonyms even resemble respect.
Further, if you are cynically curious as I was to look up submissive in a dictionary, the ad-engine at the site might cough up an ad targeted to women, or to a guinea pig of Mr. Minnesota Palin's: How to attract men. Talk about Freudian slips creeping into the consciousness of the new communication medium!
Hey wait, it looks like I have my first submission—no pun intended—for my notictionary: Submissive.
Submissive: Not respect.
With that, the floodgates have opened, so I'll start off with a few more of my own, and then invite the smart(-alec) readers among you to augment this already formidable list:
Competent: Not Obama.
Piano: Not ice cream.
Is: Not at this moment. Also, depends on what your definition of "is" is.
The Buck: Never stopped here.
Traitor: Not one who has an "I support the troops" sticker on her car.
Casey Anthony: Not guilty.
Conservative: Not a liberal.
Compassionate conservative: Not Bush the Younger. Nor Obama.
Christine O'Donnell: Not a witch.
Job creator: Not rich.
African Dictator: Not president forever, president for life.
Apology: Not saying you're sorry when you admit wrong-doing.
Tricky Dick: Not a crook.
Denial: Not a cheap gimmick to include an overused pun about a river in Egypt.
Misquoted: Not conceding being quoted verbatim, as being quoted.

"Tar baby": Not a racist slur.

Bombing: Not at war with Libya, Pakistan, or Yemen.

Implants: Not real.
Undefeated: Not Alaska Palin.
Eminem: Not afraid.
OJ: Not Casey Anthony.
Geraldo Rivera: Not a journalist but plays one on TV. (Still haven't forgiven him for those empty Capone vaults.)
Bald: Not a hair color.
August 16: Not Elvis's birthday.
Dred Scott: Not a mule... oh wait, exactly like a mule.
Sy SperlingNot just the president.
"...well over 90 percent of what Planned Parenthood does": Not intended to be a factual statement.
Only 999,719 more to go, so get those neurons firing, people. We shouldn't have to rely solely—no pun intended—on politicians or celebrities for these gems.

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