Notictionary

Alaska Palin invented a new word last year: refudiate. So lame was the lame-stream media that they harped on it long enough that some of her most subservient, obsequious devotees were motivated enough to successfully lobby its inclusion in the New Oxford American Dictionary. Who knows, they may even have understood what the word supposedly means.

[Note to self: Never buy the New Oxford American Dictionary]

Speaking of subservient, Minnesota Palin did Alaska Palin one better. (Stop salivating you perverts, she didn't actually do her!)

When ambushed with a gotcha question by the same lame-stream media, she responded that submissive does not mean subservient. Way to go out on a limb there, having the guts to say what a word does not mean!

There ought to be a compendium of such words, though. I am struggling to find a word in the dictionary commensurate with the concept, but then I struggle to find synonyms for the word thesaurus, so this is hardly news. Apparently, the proper recourse under such circumstances is to simply invent a new word. I also have it on good authority that Billy Shakespeare did this frequently during his numerous writer's blocks.

Well, Shakespeare I am not.

[Waits for the audience to overcome their shock from disbelief]


But I do have the necessary chutzpah to invent a new word:

Notictionary. noun \naw-tik-shə-ˌner-ē, -ˌne-rē\ : a compendium of words that do not mean other words.

In all fairness though, Minnesota Palin did provide a definition for submissive. In her house, it apparently means respect. Obviously, it is not a candidate for my notictionary, since it is stating what a word means, and not what it does not mean. Since it is also not a synonym for submissive in the slightest—according to, ahem, a dictionary—it is a perfect candidate for this year's entry into The New Oxford American Dictionary. Who knows, some skillful editing and it can even follow the entry for refudiate. Because, if you do not care what a word means, surely you can waive the requirement that the dictionary has to follow any lexicographical ordering. The Dewey Decimal System was for wimps, anyway.

Perhaps the question was posed to the wrong person; it should have been directed to Mr. Minnesota Palin, who among other things, operates a clinic to "cure" homosexuals of their homosexuality.

"Mr. Minnesota Palin, are you submissive to your patients during the treatment sessions at your clinic?" would make for an intriguing question, but only if our lame-stream media were not sucking on the exhaust fumes of Alaska Palin's bus.

In case you were wondering what submissive really means, a cursory glance at a thesaurus would suffice. Note that none of the synonyms even resemble respect. Further, if you are cynically curious like I was to look up submissive in a dictionary, the ad-engine at the site might cough up an ad for women, or a guinea pig of Mr. Minnesota Palin's: How to attract men. Talk about Freudian slips creeping into the consciousness of the new communication medium!

Hey wait, it looks like I have my first entry into the notictionary: Submissive.

Submissive: Not respect.

With that, the floodgates have opened, so I'll start off with a few of my own, and then invite the smart(-alec) readers among you to augment this already formidable list:

Competence: Not Obama.
Traitor: Not one who has a "I support the troops" sticker on her car.
Casey Anthony: Not guilty.
Conservative: Not a liberal.
Compassionate conservative: Not Bush the Younger. Nor Obama.
Piano: Not ice cream.
Is: Not was. Also, depends on what your definition of "is" is.
The Buck: Never stopped here.
Christine O'Donnell: Not a witch.
Apology: Not saying you're sorry.
Tricky Dick: Not a crook.
Denial: Not a cheap gimmick to include an overused pun about a river in Egypt.
Dan Avery: Not sartorially resplendent. Unh uh. No way!
Misquoted: Not considering being quoted verbatim as being quoted correctly.
"Tar baby": Not a racist slur.
Bombing: Not at war with Libya, Pakistan, or Yemen.
Implants: Not real.
Eminem: Not afraid.
OJ: Not Casey Anthony.
Geraldo Rivera: Not a reporter but plays one on TV. (Still haven't forgiven him for those empty Capone vaults.)
Bald: Not a hair color.
Dred Scott: Not a mule... oh wait, exactly like a mule.
Sy Sperling: Not just the president.

"...well over 90 percent of what Planned Parenthood does": Not a factual statement.

Only 999,719 more to go, so get those neurons firing, people!