Sep 27, 2011

My Mom is So Funny, page 8

Chaz Bono is on Dancing with the Stars, hugely overweight while complaining about leg pains from the effort.

We watch him wrap his hairy legs, beefy, hairy arms covered with tattoos. Nice tats, Chaz, by the way.

Chaz dances up a storm, I think, but gets roundly criticized by the judges.

That face. I can still recall that face when she was a tot, so adorable. I was a Cher fanatic, ‘way back when… still a fan… always will be.

Mom says, “He is too fat,” with a look of disgust. “I don’t like guys with tattoos.”

I smile.

I point my tattoo at her. My one and only industrial accident resulted in an amputation and extreme self-consciousness about it. Nearly thirty years later I hit upon the solution of tattooing an image there, two eyes – or is it butterfly wings? – or a bird? – or, well, beauty is in the eye of the beholder and to me, the tattoo makes my chopped finger into a puppet.

“You have an excuse,” she states firmly, “besides, you’re not a guy.”


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